I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
