so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
