We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
