Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it's like iHOP with fire
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
