can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
