clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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