Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
