idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
