I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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