I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
