he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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