All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
