So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The beer is more important than you right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
