So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
