Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
