As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
