just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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