covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
