his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
