and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
