Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
