I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
