he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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