My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
