You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
