Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
