I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
