How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
