Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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