The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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