does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You took a bar mat shot.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
