At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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