this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
