If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
