I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
