Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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