I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My life is pants optional.
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