I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
