do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
