remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
