Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So vagazzling was a success
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
