I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
