I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
