Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
