Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
