I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
