dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Randomize
