i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
