Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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