Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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